Julie's Rebuttal

So this is fitting. I have been laid up on the couch for 2 days now, having come down with a cold the day after our July 4th celebration. In hopes of regaining my sassy health in time for this fun-filled (Cousin Erin's wedding) weekend, I have been planted in front of my innocent pleasure: wedding shows. I feel it is a good way to express my creativity by envisioning my special day vicariously through these other women who have been lucky enough to find someone committed. *cough* Ahem, pardon.

Despite my heart fluttering at Z's claims to "lock this down" I did take note that not once was my name mentioned within his wedding day dream. Perhaps I shouldn't take offense to the fact that he has spared me from partaking in his, *cough* glorious day. I didn't even know what a zepplin is, but was glad he had okay music taste. (I was then told it's a blimp.)

All I know is that if I were to be made an honest woman by such a liar as Z, I would do it up in style because a lifetime with him will do me in quickly. In an effort to make sure we were meant to be, it would be an obstacle course to my heart...

First, guests would be placed throughout the Grand Canyon (which we will refer to as the "Love Pit" for the big day). I will be at the top, accessible only by... well, I'm getting ahead of myself. Z will be pushed off a low flying airplane by my father (his version of "giving me away") My mother will be in a nearby Cessna and will toss the flailing Z a chute pack. Midair, Z will be expected to situate his pack and release his chute in time to sprial into the Love Pit. Amidst the skeletal remains of past fiances of mine, Z will go through a series of holes avoiding natives much like Legends of the Hidden Temple. Once the silver monkey has been assembled, Grandma Madge will lock him into his billaying gear and Grandma Joan will begin yanking him up as he scales the interior walls of the Love Pit.

Once reaching the top, Grandpa Jim will give Z the approving thumbs up to marry me and Z will proceed to the obstacle course of eternity.

A mound of burning tires and rope ladders compose all that's left between Z and a lifetime of happiness. As he ascends, well thought out vows in rhyming couplets must be shouted out for cheering onlookers to rate. Once our aunts and uncles tally the results, it will be determined if Z can move on to the final elimination round. At the top of the tire and rope mound, I will be there in my beautiful dress, being held high by Cousin Blaine. Z must tickle Blaine until I am released. Once that is achieved, Tom pops up from beneath the burning pile and begins the ceremony.

So... I mean, I'm not obsessed with all this froo froo wedding crap the TV has to offer. It just helps distract me while I sew together this faulty parachute. I mean, what? It's not like Z doesn't enjoy a challenge. :)