So this Sunday I turn 25 and it truly feels like I've hit my quarter life crisis. Countless friends from high school and college are married with kids... or just married... or just with kids, some have even been cast in Broadway shows! (Go Briana Go!) Each has shiny happy photos on Facebook of them boozing with friends on weekends and kegstands at their folks' place. And here I am... at an Elvis party with my boyfriend's parents.
This year I have decided to look as though I'm a lot cooler than all of my other friends to make them jealous. It's taken 25 years but I finally found the perfect "look how cute he is, jealous?" boyfriend prop, an apartment that I afford with no parental help, a real car (though it just sits in the driveway for now) and a career that looks good on paper. Here are some ideas to one up them all:
1. Borrow Zane's cousins' baby John and take "insta baby" photos. Now I'll look really skinny for having just popped out a 2 month old (er, newborn)
2. Pretend I'm dating a male model and make Zane pose on the hood of my Honda Accord. As long as he doesn't scratch it with that grommeted Speedo.
3. Make a fake "for sale"/"sold" sign and stick it on the patch of dirt outside my apartment building so I too can look like I've purchased an entire complex like another friend of mine did.
4. Have Zane take photos of me bringing my parents lunch and title it "helping out for Meals on Wheels".
5. Plan a wedding for the neighborhood cats, name them Zane and Julie, and keep all of the presents they receive.
6. Move back home and live on the water for the summer to get centered and find my passion. Oh wait... I win!
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