Evening Up the Score

There is lots of stir about this new blog. I understand the idea of Zane and myself having control over an online diary sounds scary to most, and we agree. With great power comes great responsibility.

Dear Zane's family,

I understand lots of your stories are due to be shared because of the mass quantity of time we spend together. Believe me, I love it just as much as you do... Ahem. And while that's entertaining for my family to read, you haven't really had the chance to learn about my family and our deep dark secrets. Let me try to help you get a better understanding of where I come from.

As a child, we were forced to leave the house everyday to play outside until we were deemed adequately exercised. This could be minutes, hours, or days long, sometimes the neighbors would pity us and give us scraps of food. If we were lucky we could sneak next door and sit outside the window and watch some pirated Sesame Street. We were given a 4 foot square of pavement to ride our hand me down Huffys on, barely making the turn each time. The dizzying effects impeded our coordination and we were deemed visually impared and all forced to get glasses. They told us these would make us smarter, and after years of seeing everything in intense focus, my eyesight has worsened enough for me to see normally. I don't tell them this... I never tell them this...

Years later upon arriving at "smart kid college" they dropped me off in Boston to make them proud. As soon as the minivan pulled away, I boarded an airplane to escape. Hearing word of this, I was sent back only to suffer for 4 more years and then painfully shipped back to their home while I "got my feet on the ground." Held hostage to watch Oprah, do my own dishes, and go to "the mall" for months on end, I couldn't take it any longer and escaped to New York City. I have been safely here for a year and a half but again.... have been found.

I have taken Zane hostage, a bartering tool for negotiations. He's not wise yet as to the situation he is entering, but I feel it's safer that way. We are being forced to move under the watchful eye of my parents again. I have not yet told Zane that we have no TV, computers, or electronics in my household because they "are the devil's way of communicating." His smoke signal skills are really improving, but I am running out of reasons to justify his learning.

So, these are the basics, I hope you feel you have had an inside look into my family. I'm sure over the years you will have a chance to make your own impressions.... I just hope you're lucky enough to escape. I'm a lost cause but save yourselves!!!!