If Julie ever hopes to one day join my family she is going to have to learn to love my past. Not 'my' past per se but my ancestors'. This installment of Hers and His showcases one of my well known ancestors
Warren Gamaliel Harding, the 29th President of the United States.
Thought by many (before 2001) as the worst President in America's history, Harding is my great great great Uncle (on my mother's side). While Wikipedia has assured me that the title of "Worst President" was achieved scantly through his own actions and much more through those of his cabinet, I still take pride in knowing I'm related to someone who is considered the best at something (even if it's the best at being the worst). As you can probably guess after reading some of my posts that Harding was known for having terrible grammar. Upon Harding's death in 1923, E.E. Cummings was quoted as saying "The only man, woman or child who wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead."
As a child I had a poster in my room of all the presidents. Despite having had it laminated it was one of these sheets with dotted perforations to separate each president creating something of a flimsy baseball card. On the back where a few stats about their presidency along with a famous quote. Lo and behold my dear great great great Uncle will forever be known by children with that poster, as the guy who said "I knew this job would be too much for me."
While the telling of his story is often fraught with scathing remarks about his poor grammar and his corrupt staff, I like to look at it in a much more positive light. Apparently Warren G. Harding was the first president to visit Alaska while in office. Sure that's where he died, but still. Also I relish in the fact that he invented the word "normalcy" (see, it's even in spell check!). So what if it's just a bastardized version of the word "normality" it is technically a word.
A few others facts:
- He officially ended World War I
- Overcame the Depression of 1920-1921
- Kept liquor in the White House during the Prohibition.
- Appears as the eighth link when Googling "Warren G" the other seven are of the rapper.
- Created laws to combat the KKK when it was at its most prevalent.
Note from the Author: When I first started writing this post I meant to make it the first of a series chronicling all my powerful and important ancestors. Having a large printed family tree from my mother's side, we happened to find out that we are related to a great deal of royalty. However, this post took a turn. In my search for answers, I happened upon a cart on the sidewalk selling black erotica. Sitting between Ride Wit' Me and a Zane novel was the small red pamphlet that changed my life.
In the interest of good journalism, at the expense of "good" journalism I'm claiming this right now without actually having read it yet:
I AM BLACK.
According to my sources* this 18 page booklet contains lofty claims that Warren G. Harding, as well as four other American Presidents are of African decent. Sure, this is all pretty much moot seeing as we all descended from Africa, but either way that'd make me a couple hundred thousand years closer.
The proof is in the pudding, the choc... no I'm not going to use this as leeway to start making jokes in poor taste. Apparently the man pictured on the cover of the book along with Warren is his Grand Uncle Oliver. Stricken with a disease that made him 1/5 the size of a normal man while remaining proportionate... just kidding. In the interest of statistics here is how I've just blindly rated my ethnic background.
Now what should Julie think? Not only am I related to one of the worst Presidents in history, but also the first black President, and the worst black President at that!
Perhaps now I have a chance at avoiding becoming one of those corny old white dads that everyone rolls there eyes at.
*Amazon customer reviews.
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