Congratulations love!
J
With lucky date number 7 on the horizon I thought what better time to try and grab some balls? Baseballs, that is. Zane's Dad has the hookup with Mets tickets, so we were able to enjoy our Mets for free, ensuring we got our money's worth.
Z
Not to put down the Yankees, especially after yesterday's loss but I have always aligned myself with the Mets. Baseball has always been a family outing for me; for as long as I can remember my father, grandfather and I have gone to Mets games. Always staying till the last pitch and almost never seeing them win. That is the extent of my affinity for baseball. As a game, I think baseball is best enjoyed in person or on the radio, ninety percent of televised games have about the same excitement as Antiques Road Show, minus the nifty tapestries.
J
My main goal for the date was to catch a foul ball, and with seats right along the 1st base line, there was a very high chance that it could happen. At least it kept me paying attention to the game the whole time. I am not what you'd call a baseball "fan" but I'd never turn down a chance to have a hot dog! When Zane and I first arrived, we decided to find some chow and cool off before making our way to our sauna-esque seats in the sun. Nothing says New York and summer more than a Nathan's hot dog, and never being one to be outdone, Zane's foot-long chili cheese dog kicked my puny dog's butt. In homage to Kobiatchi we did consume a total of 58 hot dogs, which at ballpark prices came out to about $1,000. But with those free cups of water to dunk the buns in, it made the experience very memorable. Well worth it.
Z
As an evangelical Jets fan, I live for football!...and Julie, of course...hi Julie. While I would insist on attending games regularly, my ill fortune has been flawless when attending "America's Better Pastime" as I have never seen them win. I'm a jinx - that must be it.
J
I wish I could tell you about the game, I think they lost. Hey, it's the Mets. But I did have a blast. I made friends (in my head) with the ball boy, shouting out "Anthony! Over here!" every time an unclaimed baseball appeared in his hands. I contemplated more lusty ways to get him to throw it to me, but with my date right next to me, I didn't want to make him jealous that I got a baseball and he didn't.
Z
People watching doesn't get much more fantastic than at a sporting event. There are the kids who are certain every swing of the bat will send a ball gently into their fun-size mitts, the drunks stealing seats in the front row, the hundreds of people waving like idiots whenever they catch-wind that their face is being projected somewhere, and of course the players.
Enter Josh Thole. Is he a great player or is he a great player? I haven't a clue. All I know his picture on the jumbo-tron is hilarious. "Josh Thole" I hear him saying like Matt Damon in Team America. What sort of selection process goes into choosing these pictures? They should really let their players compose themselves a little after a nap before taking the picture that will be shown to thousands of people multiple times nightly.
J
Another tactic of mine during the date was to befriend the right fielder (is that right? I just called him "the guy out there"). Maybe he would throw me a ball. Sure, it might still be in play, but that'd be fine. I can handle a little camera time. I learned his name was Jeff so I heckled him as much as possible without fully annoying those around me. You'd think all these tactics of mine would work, heck, from the sounds of my story telling I feel there should be a proud picture of me with a baseball at the end, but I don't want to get your hopes up. Zane promised when we got home he would throw my t-shirts at me with great force and make the "FFFFFFFTTTTTOOM!" noise of the t-shirt guns. That's love.
During the date I may have talked too much. I never get out to sporting events much so I often have too many questions, or rather comments about what's going on or who is scratching what or spitting where. Either way, I'd like to publicly apologize to Zane for being "That Girl." Luckily we had two even worse "That Girl"s behind us in the stands, who were busy trying to capture the best angle of David Wright's butt on their iPhones. They made it very entertaining.
Z
Julie's favorite subject to gab about was how one of the beer venders looked exactly like David Blaine (to her). Having been the only one to catch a glimpse of him in the first inning her description of him made him out to be just as mysterious as the real illusionist. When the chance finally arrived, this poor beer boy only looked vaguely like the ice-inhibiter. As Julie snapped picture after picture of him as he served the patrons sitting next to us, I couldn't help but imagine the real David Blaine in that profession.
Z
"Yes I'll take a beer."DB
"It's already in your stomach."
J
The game went on the full 9 innings and at about the 7th I realized how rarely we stay out so late anymore. Fighting off yawns and the occasional head nod, I could have done with a couple less at bats. It made it easier to deal with the sleepies by having such a great date next to me. Being out in a new environment with the excitement of thousands of others around us gave this date that little spark of something new. Hand-in-hand navigating our way through the mobs at the end, it was nice to know that even if our team lost, we were the true winners. Another date under our belts and another evening of getting closer and sharing in something fun and out of the box.
Zane's Review
For first daters to long time daters I give this 9.75 "innings before you will get the itch to take the date on the road" out of 10
Julie's Review
Tight Pants + Cups = Great Date. It was a combination of "Wow! We're so close to the action!" and "OMG We could get really hurt if a fly ball came our way!" The adrenaline rush made it a ton of fun. To top it all off, our pals could see us on TV every time a play happened in our little corner of the field. An evening in the warm summer air and overpriced food were just what the doctor ordered to make this a perfect summertime date. I recommend it for sports and non-sports fans alike, and if you see Jeff from the Mets, let him know he owes me a baseball. 10 out of 10.
J
What do two pasty kids do to offend thousands of sun worshippers on a blistering hot day? Why go to the beach of course! This week Zane and I dragged our heat stroked selves to the sands of Jones Beach, a nearby oasis on Long Island to soak up some sun.
Z
Nothing says 100-degree heat wave like sitting half-naked on a plot of sand. Like many other activities mentioned in these date reviews, I am not much of a beach person. I don't mean to sound so "glass half empty" but after many evenings creeping myself out with pictures of deep sea monsters, the thought of the ocean (and subsequently "beaches") spurs imagines of murky deeps, hiding such nightmarish creatures such as the Siphonophores and the Angler Fish.
J
Slathered in sunscreen and armed with a picnic basket of treats, we were ready to go. Being city dwellers, we of course did not have true beach going gear. Bathing suits yes, but beach towels? Nah. We used an old tablecloth. Flip-flops for Zane? Nah. Nothing's cooler that brushing sand out of your tube socks. Boogie board? Nah, we're more game board people.
Z
Aside from standing at the water's edge and letting the breaking waves try their best to knock me over, beach visits for me often amount to timing my next snack and keeping the blanket as sand free as possible. As OCD as it may sound it has always been a great way to keep busy while my fellow beach goers lay still, offering up their bare bronzed bodies to Ra, the sun god.
J
We amused ourselves with endless games of Monopoly Deal, and watched as the surrounding sun worshippers baked to a crisp even George Hamilton would envy. Of course there were your typical beach bums, clad in Speedos and natural fur coats Darwin spoke of us shedding. I found it hard to compete with some of the women shipped in from what could only be Brazil - teeny bodies, teenier suits. But more on them later.
Z
Unlike beach visits in the past, this time I was fortunate to have a fine bikini-clad lady by my side. Long gone are my days as an awkward teen, nervously scanning for any brawny Steve McGarretts looking to steal my girl. Now I sit back and relish in Julie's head-turning abilities. Envy aside, Julie was the perfect distraction for my boney, Casper-hued complexion.
J
This being our first beach trip ever, we felt like giving ourselves a leg up against the sun by not arriving until 4pm. Some may scoff but I thought it was the best! People cleared out a bit and sunscreen need only be applied once, if not being optional altogether. For a person who turns into a lobster from just thinking about the outdoors, I appreciated this.
While the weather was steamy, the water stayed frigid as often happens in the Northeast. I remember vacations to the Carolinas with water as welcoming as a bath drawn by your cabana boy. But this day the ocean more likened the icy drink the cabana boy’s jealous ex would throw at him for drawing you that bath. "How dare you!" the water spat at my relief-seeking toes.
Not wanting to step on a jellyfish and refusing to remove my eyeglasses, I was more than happy to lounge in the sand and soak up the view. The water was so filled with people it reminded me of that scene in Titanic, but with more whistle blowing. The lifeguards tried to contain the countless bodies but really seemed more interested in their bronzed muscles. (Which I don't blame them for.)
Z
It was tough holding back urges to steal some child's tools to build my own sand castle, or to surprise Julie by burying her up for her neck in sand. Fortunately there were plenty of good sights to take in to keep the afternoon entertaining, among them the slew of people who should never be shirtless and those who should always be.
At the beach, there are fashion choices you would never see anywhere else. One in particular was a buxom woman clad in a white fishnet dress, over a thong bikini. As she and her meathead boyfriend were likely thinking "this outfit is hot!" but as a casual onlooker I could only think of the unsightly sunburn it would leave. Cross-checkered and beet red like a Christmas Ham she would attempt, in vain, to lather the sore diamonds with lotion as her man freaks out that she might get aloe on the interior of his Dodge Charger.
J
Ladies, if you go to the beach with your man, why do you always look like you're there to pick up someone else? Answer: 'Cuz it works. I sat amazed, feigning interest in some story Zane was telling as I watched mesh dress/thong lady somehow get another guy to come over to her and her boyfriend to "personally train" "them." In my mind they had never met before and this ballsy trainer guy swooped in and third-wheel-style stole that guy's girl. Either that or I was watching the appetizer portion of a three-way.
Julie's Review:
Hot weather aside, Zane and I had a great time ogling each other and those around us. We walked hand in hand into the sunset on our way back to the car. All in all it was a sweet date (minus all the boob shots he "accidentally" took with the camera) and I would love to do it again! 8.5 out of 10
Zane's Review:
As a noted opponent to beach bumming I had a very nice time with Julie sitting on the beach for a few hours. Whether swimming, or just simmering, an afternoon at the beach can be a great prelude to a romantic evening. Whether it's the salty sea air, seeing your honey wearing the equivalent of underwear in public, or the sea monsters plotting your imminent demise, hanging out at the beach gives an atmosphere that is second to none and offers up a nearly limitless array of activities that could feasibly all cause some accidental nudity. For new and old daters alike I give this 9 1/2 "Great reasons to spend time in your underwear in public" out of 10.
Today in history...
Bernie Madoff began serving his 150 year sentence. (2009)
James Frances Whalen was born. (1985)
Billie the Kid was shot and killed. (1881)
Zane and Julie met. (2008)
To honor Bernie Madoff's demise, I mean... the 2nd annual love fest for Zane... it's time for a survey!
How did it all begin? Pity. I bailed on a fun party to show up to my friend James' party that didn't have any guests yet.
Where did you meet? Outside the Beer Garden in Astoria, NY.
When did you meet? July 14, 2008 mid-afternoon
Was it love at first sight? It was sassy lust.
How old were you both? He was 22 and I was 24.
When did you have your first kiss? Weeks later once he finally broke up with his girlfriend.
Where was your first date? The entire lower half of Manhattan with highlights in Union Square and on the Brooklyn Bridge.
How long until you met the parents? August 25th 2008, so a solid month. We all moved him together. True bonding happens over hauling stuff.
When was it official? August 21st 2008 Once he finally wore me down enough to allow him to call himself my boyfriend.
The good...
Whats your happiest memory of him? Painting my old apartment in women's underwear so he wouldn't get paint on his own clothes.
Whats the sweetest thing he has ever done for you? The dishes.
Does he buy you lots of gifts? He showers me with thoughtful acts all the time.
Whats your favorite thing to do together? Explore a new area.
When did you know you were falling in love? When he made me a mixed CD but told me to "replace all the 'loves' with 'likes' since there aren't enough songs out there to express his level of feelings."
Who said I love you first? He cheated and told me "I glove shoes."
Is it true love? Well it's not liar love.
How do you know this? I googled it.
The bad...
Whats his worst habit? Hanging around people like me.
What annoys you about him? The fact that there's nothing that annoys me about him.
Has he ever hurt you badly? No, only enough to not show bruises.
Would he ever cheat? Only at Boggle.
Has he ever cheated? Only at Boggle. Like when he began a game without telling me just so he had a better chance at winning.
Do you trust him? As far as I can throw him, and luckily he's pretty light.
The ugly....
Best facial feature? His single dimple. My nose can't help but nestle into it.
Favorite part of his body? His cupid's bow, commonly referred to as his "wibble wobble" which is quite irresistable when he has a moustache and I have the urge to wiggle it with my finger.
Hair color? Jewish
What does he smell of? Video games and happiness.
What's he wearing when you picture him in your head? A sassy shirt.
Intimacy...
How do you feel when he holds you? Squirmy.
How do you feel when you fall asleep and wake up in his arms? Surprised.
How does it feel when he touches you? Slimey.
Does his touch give you goose bumps? Like the ice cold grip of Death.
Does he kiss your neck? No, he's team Jacob.
Deep and meaningfull...
Could you be without him? Yes. While I'm at work, going to the bathroom, in a plane, on a train.
Do you think about him constantly when you're apart? Sometimes I wonder if he'll ever leave.
How long have you been together? 2 years! And I can say that without the obligatory "trying to make it longer than it has been to somehow validate our relationship."
Can you see a future together? There's more? I thought our contract limited us to a two year stint, perhaps Z has renewed us for another season.
Would you like to get married? Only for the excuse to watch more wedding shows on TV.
Have children? We have one cat who we refer to as our "fur baby."
Where can you see your relationship in a year's time? Me doing another survey with only slightly different answers.
Do you know there is definitly no-one better out there for you? A teenager definitely created these questions... I have been correcting they're spelling and grammetical errors this hole time. And yes, it somehow doesn't get any better than Zane.
How do you know this? I have dated everyone else in the universe.
Are you scared he might find someone better? I'm pretty confident he would have jumped ship a long time ago.
Is he your best friend as well as your lover? Yes, we have Best Friends necklaces. He's "Be Fri" and I'm "st ends".
Does he come first over everyone else in your life? Cat, Mom, My Car, Zane.
Would you die for him? Since he'd be the one pushing me, sure.
On a lighter note...
Whats the funniest thing you have ever done together? Been molested for our anniversary.
Say something that only you two understand: Leopard Convention
Do you have nick names for each other?
Does he make you laugh? More than anyone else I know.
Do you wrestle? UFC style.
His Favorites...
Food? Whatever I make for dinner.
Drink? Jack Daniels. Or water.
Sport? Football- Jets.
Past time? Magic: The Gathering
Animal? Buster.
Aftershave? Whatever his Mom bought him 5 years ago.
Clothing style? See above.
Band? Ececletic new things.
Music? Modern chill.
Your things....
Song? Saving it for the wedding. (To avoid complaints)
Place to hang out? At home.
Meal to cook together? Calzones.
Lasts...
Time you saw him? This morning before work.
Kissed him? This morning before work.
Spoke to him? Nope, I refuse to speak to him.
The last text he sent you? Debating my idea to purchase Cranium on a gift card.
When will you...
See him again? In 30 minutes if I play my cards right.
Tell him you love him again? When he earns it.
Have you ever...?
Spent the night together? No. He normally goes to the car to sleep at night.
Celebrated a holiday together? Every one since the beginning... pretty much.
Made him cry? I tell him they are happy tears.
Done anything spontaneous together? As often as possible.
When I asked Zane to pack a little more heat in our dates, I think he misheard me. Because Sunday morning I found myself being led to a mystery location for a mystery activity and all I knew was to “dress modestly” and “people may touch you but you won’t touch people.” What sort of religious orgy was he bringing me to?? Well, let me tell you, he brought me to a house of worship all right, the Republican house of worship.
Whenever the subject of marriage is broached in the Hers and His household I am always quick to spout out one of my favorite demeaning write offs "yeah, maybe if you held a gun to my face.." Living in accordance to my family's motto "Put up or shut up." I decided to give Julie a fair shot.
I may not be an expert on romance, but after running the gambit of dating, from dance lessons to a pleasant stroll I decided it was time for a more aggressive approach.
As my stomach started to turn the closer we got (and I didn’t even know who we would be surrounded by yet!) Zane began to apologize for whatever was about to happen. When I saw the Pistol Range sign I felt a sense of relief that the Catholic priest swinger party I had imagined was just a figment of my imagination. But if you look closely, the fear still remained in my eyes. Guns?! You brought me to GUNS?!
In the basement of 20 20th Street, Julie's surprise was about to blow her away. The Westside Rifle and Pistol Range was the last place I expected to find myself when starting this ten date program, though here we are, five dates in and I must admit, it was probably the most fun one yet.
Living in New York City you have to work around two things: stray bullets and the lack of fields. So when you get the itch to attempt skeet shooting, you have to be a bit more flexible, but you leave a little more eager to visit Harlem. Not to be a hater of gun toters, I just personally am not pleased to be around loaded weapons designed to kill others. As a kid, I found a loaded gun in an abandoned jacket at an after school job and the safety was off. Luckily nothing worse happened, but I still can’t fathom why they let that careless man have his weapon back with just a slap on the wrist and a “gee, you really shouldn’t be leaving that around.” Needless to say… guns… eek.
As I'm sure most of you are questioning "Why Zane, why? You bloodthirsty murderer, why are you soiling this sweet dating site with such aggressive violence?"
Truth is I have never been a fan of guns. As a lifelong (video) gamer I have been "around" guns plenty, more or less. My socio-political ideals aside I have never supported the existence of armaments in this modern civilization, but when I saw the skeet shooting date idea, I knew I had found my wild and crazy secret date to surprise Julie with.
Being that this was our first time there, we had to take a safety course.
So back to me slapping on a smile as I sat through class learning how to put the clip in my rifle. Luckily some bimbo looking waif was in class too to make me look a little more experienced. Unlucky for Zane, she was sitting right behind him as she inspected her (unloaded – phew!) rifle pointed right at his head. The instructor was thorough and a bit monotonous as we must have been his millionth class of kids who just want to try something “cool.”
Our fellow class members put us at ease over our newbie status. Having previously warned Julie the necessity of modest clothing it came as a bit of a surprise when the other woman there showed up in a dress and flip flops.
I wish I could have taken a picture of him, or the waif, but we were forbidden from taking pictures of others. The range is one of the most popular places for cops to practice their shooting, and we were not to disclose any of their identities. So… in lieu of a picture, let me describe our instructor: Elmer Fudd meets Jesse James. He could not have been more than 5 feet, had a face almost uncanny to Fudd, but covered neck to I could only assume toe, in tattoos. If this was not enough description, I have made a picture for your viewing pleasure. Zane has confirmed that this indeed is his spitting image.
I must admit, seeing Zane kicking butt with a big ol’ rifle was a little hot. The chain locking the rifle end to the tabletop so it only had about a foot of movement didn’t hurt. I finally chose to accept we were in a safe environment and focused on the target: being a better shot than Zane.
I have always discredited arguments claiming that video games train kids to be murderers, but after shooting 47 bulls-eyes out of 50 shots, I may need to rethink my position. Of course it could also be attributed to my great eyesight... Moral of the story: Avoid your carrots, kids.
After 10 hand-packed clips of 5 bullets each, I was pretty impressed. I had actually hit the target, nay, the bullseye! And multiple times. I finished with a bit of a contact high of lead dust and wearing really dorky goggles over my glasses. Might I note, the smell of fired bullets brought me back to playing in the woods as children with cap guns and that sulfuric odor when the caps exploded. Was I getting nostalgic over guns? Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. But I felt like a bit of a rock star.
Having lived in the city for almost six years, you would think I'd know the sound of a gun shot by heart; well it wasn't until I heard the shots fired at the range that I knew, yes, I have always known what gun shots sounded like. The sound can be unnerving to some date goers, especially those who have been shot themselves. After an hour at the range it all becomes eerily comfortable. Still, it was nerve-racking using the bathroom on the way out and hearing shots echo through the hallway where Julie was waiting for me.
Zane and I definitely bonded over the wild adventure he had gotten us into! We left armed in armed, I mean, arm in arm, and headed to Jamba Juice for something a little tamer. As we left the most manly of locations and stepped onto the street, a man in nail polish and a tube top passed by and we had officially entered the twilight zone. Correction, we were just LEAVING the twilight zone and re-entered the typical lower Manhattan streets. Well that, and the Gay Pride Parade was in full swing. It was just what I needed to wash off whatever was left of Republican on me and round out the day.
Julie’s Review: Definitely something new! You would never think to do this as a date, well, I guess you did since it’s on the site – but I really recommend it! If not real guns, then at least a carnival game. The adrenaline boost that it gives you is great for romance and it makes you much closer after sharing the experience. While I still don’t feel pro-guns, I at least now know how they work and how to shoot an attacker if he has a big target on his chest. A+ and 10 out of 10.
Zane's Review -
This actually makes for an amazing date! The staff of Westside Rifle and Pistol Range were about as newbie-friendly as you will find. This is a great date for guys looking to display their manhood, and for ladies who want to show that they can handle their own. For first dates, I give this 1 "likely deal-breaker" out of 10. Though, for anyone who knows their partner well I give it 9 1/2 "This is what I think of your ugly throw pillows!" out of 10.
As I'm rounding the corner to 30 (I know, I know... WAY far away still!) I realized something the other day... the days of being irresponsible and blaming it on the ignorance of youth are over. So I've compiled the following list of moments when I realized I was an adult. Enjoy!
