Thanks Man: A Retrospective

A few Mondays ago I aided Julie with her company's annual fundraiser. I was propositioned with the promise of free drinks and the possibility of seeing some celebrities. You think I would pass up the opportunity to rub elbows with the likes of Nicolas Cage, Christopher Meloni, and Marc Linn-Baker?! Don't be ridiculous! Ever since I saw Chris Meloni in Wet Hot American Summer I felt that he would really understand me, I mean he practically played me in the movie! I knew that if I were to meet him though I could not act like some star-struck floozy hanging all over him, I had to be presentable and stately. I would have to present myself as though I were one of the big wigs there, sure he's been nominated for an Emmy but I'm a co-author of a blog enjoyed by numerous members of my family. Whatever I said, it had to be good!

I spent hours in front of the mirror practicing ice breakers: "Hey, sup?", "Do you enjoy raising funds?", and my personal favorite "What crazy weather we're having? Yes or No?". With those winners I knew that he and I would be buying round trip tickets to Vegas before the night was out, if you catch my drift. Before heading to the venue I made sure I was carrying the biggest marker I had so that when I finally popped the question and asked him to sign my chest it would be visible no matter how small and embarrassed he wrote it.

My work started off with a twang. As I brought supplies down from the offices I haphazardly lifted a box and felt something pull in my back. I had aggravated a strain that I believed to have developed from a racing tournament I competed in on Xbox the previous week, as the pull was in my upper right ass. While at the time the injury didn't slow me down much, the following day I woke up to a demolished back and had to lay on the floor for two days.

The setting up of the event went about as well as could be coming from geriatric theater people. The conflicting personalities led to a wide array of perfect ideas for how the event should be set up. After a few hours of lifting, laughing, crying, and complaining the event was ready. I thought to myself "Bring on Detective Stabler!"

As the evening went on crowds cycled through perusing the items that were up for auction. Personally I wanted to put a bid on backstage passes to One Life to Live but Julie reminded me that $600 could be spent much more responsibly and efficiently on her. It wasn't until the later part of the evening did Meloni grace the venue with his presence. I tried to make my move when he was eyeing some Hirschfeld prints, but before I could get close enough to stroke his hair his wife pulled him away. Defeated I drowned my sorrows in Gin and Tonic.

At the end of the event I stood by the gift reception desk trying to make myself most available to work that needed to be done, when lo and behold over walks Chris Meloni to purchase the lovely quilt he had won. It was then that I had my chance! The moment I had been waiting for all week. He picked up the form he had to fill out then paused and looked around hurriedly. I knew what was up. I leaned over to the table and picked up one of the pens lying about, spun around and handed it to him. "Thanks man" he replied, taking the pen. It was pretty awesome, I'm never washing that pen again.