This afternoon as I was cleaning my blender in the anticipation of Thirsty Thursday Mambo Margaritas I did the unthinkable. In a particularly thrilling impromptu solo during Christina Aguilera’s “Ain't No Other Man”. I accidentally knocked over a glass with the base of the blender. As the glass crashed to the floor my mind began racing with the images of my imminent demise. Seeing as this is the first thing I’ve broken while at Julie’s I hope that she will go easy on me, being that it’s a first time offense and all. Most likely I’ll receive a hard slap on the wrist and a rather off color remark about my face. Then again, such are the punishments I face on a regular basis for much smaller crimes, like chewing too loudly or not staring at her longingly enough.
As I swept up the broken bits of glass I racked my brain thinking of a way to mend my mistake without her knowing. Throwing away the glass wouldn’t work seeing as she’s gotten accustomed to taking inventory since I’ve moved in. She has somehow convinced herself that I come from a family of gypsies and plan to steal as much as I can carry. It’s inaccurate racial stereotype like this that she uses to justify all her reasons not to trust me. According her I’m Jewish, Chinese, Mediterranean, African, Australian, and Canadian (or at least the over-exaggerated down side of each). I face more racist misfires than anyone I know.
Well it’s a good thing she takes inventory on Mondays. That gives me the whole weekend to find a replacement. I remember at dinner the other evening the restaurant had the same glasses as Julie. Perhaps I can steal one from there.
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